It seems like it's far, far too easy to upset the balance of my family.
The past two months have had little "extras" embedded in them. Wedding, funeral, community service, child-rearing difficulties, co-workers out of town, co-workers quitting = extra work hours for KawaPapa. It's all mounted up and stretched the normal fabric of our routine.
It always seems fine while it's happening... almost fun! Yay! Something new in our routine! But then... The baby starts teething and stops napping or sleeping at night.
E-Money learns to climb out of his crib and also dips into another difficult spell where it seems like he is making it his mission to mentally and physically crush me. (You think I'm speaking in hyperbole! Oh I wish.)
Our iPad breaks... gets repaired... breaks again the same day.
Our laundry pile mounts up.
My insomnia flares.
The baby gets a fever and we're up all night....
And suddenly those stretched margins begin turning into ripped seams, and we're all falling apart.
I can't help but compare myself to others.... other families seem to be able to take on so much more and still stay afloat. What's wrong with us? Or maybe it's me. I mean... I know it's me. I'm the loose screw. That's why I'm here... writing about my crazy.
Sometimes I try to make a list of excuses for why we can't seem to keep it together under the normal pressures of life... wildly difficult toddler, sleepless nights, low paying job, no family in town, haven't had a hair cut in over two years, can't loose my baby weight this time around...
Sometimes those reasons ring true... and other times they just sound like whining.
.......................... and I could probably turn this into some kind of inspirational message, but E-Money just climbed out of his bed AGAIN and the baby spit out his paci AGAIN and I need to hide in a deep dark hole and just cry and catch my breath.
So here's the inspirational message:
Sometimes when shit hits the fan, you just don't clean up the mess until tomorrow.
Sometimes you just stop fighting the tide. You let it wash over you, drag you out to sea... if you struggle you'll tire and sink, but if you float on your back and watch the sky... eventually the water will bring you back.