Thursday, March 21, 2013

10 Speed Blogs About Emotion

I feel like I need to do "Speed Blogging" because there are so many different things in my brain.... here goes:

1)  Post-Pardum Depression is hard to talk about because I get embarrassed after I get it off my chest and want to delete my whining from the universe.

2)  I hope I'll be awesome one day... but I secretly think I'll be sort of lame forever.

3)  I'm afraid of judgement.  Not the fire and brimstone kind.  Just the quiet, snide, "browsing through the facebook feed and thinking, "pssh... retard", half-eye-roll, deep sigh kind of judgement.  I mean... I am so afraid of judgement... I mean.... I am SO afraid.  It is pathetic.

4)  Guess what... I'm embarrassed and I want to delete all of that now that I've gotten it off my chest.

5)  I'm a happy, extroverted, ambitious, bubbly person who occasionally has problems with over-sharing.  Except when I'm slightly depressed... then I'm a slightly depressed, extroverted but lonely, ambitious but mostly failing, bubbly but mostly tired person who occasionally has problems with over-sharing.

6)  Why are women complicated?

7)  It's the age of the internet... everyone vents. It's not like the old days when breaking forth and sharing your feelings with revolutionary and poetic.  You're just another mope.

8)  When I write this stuff I'm constantly thinking, "Crap, I'm leaving an electronic footprint behind me... no one will trust my professional image/brand with all this over-sharing... I'm an idiot."

9)  I'm also thinking, "All my friends who have it 'together' are thinking I'm an idiot for doing this too."

10)  I know that Success is really more of a feeling than an actual thing.  I'd like to be successful now.  And I'd like to be successful-er down the road.  I have a feeling this is a long, dark rabbit hole.

The End.

The KawaMama

PS - Nobody reads this crap, so I could write whatever the heck I wanted... my "digital foot print" is more of a silent tip toe in the sea of over-eager bloggerites... I wish I was bigger and above all of this. lol. I'm so typical. haha!


  1. 1. You are absolutely right. It is the single hardest type of emotional struggle to talk about, period. Word of warning, I didn't. I ignored it when others pointed it out to me. Result: two-three years of painful, lonely agony and about 80 pounds. Talk all you want, especially to me. I've been there.

    2. To those around you, you have always been the standard to achieve. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Your friend Blair is so beautiful and talented and I would kill to be like her." Yeah, thanks guys, I get it, I'm the lesser friend and she rocks. Jerks. :)

    3. It's your facebook/blog/whatever. If they don't like what you say, they can delete you.

    4-9. Don't ever EVER be ashamed of being real. All you do is let those who think you are this unachievable amazing see that you too have human struggles and it helps them relate to you, and often, it is when people are able to glean something real and lasting from you. All the forced trying to leave a mark in the world could never match the quiet small mark you leave on a single soul by allowing them to see the human but trying person inside you. So let yourself struggle. Praise God in the trials, because through those trials you are learning what He needs you to learn so that you might help someone else later in your life in ways you couldn't imagine.

    And just because we are Americans and we love instant gratification, today, seeing this real side of you helped me remember what it is that makes me love you, and why I have kept you around in my life for ten + years.

    Go read some Calvin and Hobbobes to Eames and teach him what loving and living in the small moments is about. *muah!*

  2. Sweetest, oldest, dearest, honestest, truest friend... lots of people can say encouraging things to you, but only when it comes from a source as special as you does it really melt your heart into happy butter pools. Thank you for the encouraging, the pants kicking, the compassion, the reminders, and all the other little goodies that were wrapped up in that note.