-- Scene One: Vaccines --
Last week I spent almost every waking moment researching child vaccinations... I wanted to be sure I understood the choice I was making when I permitted the doctors to inject my son. If there were going to be side effects (long or short term) they would be my burden to bear. He is, after all, my responsibility. I found it very stressful.
Ultimately we did vaccinate... but it was more because we love our pediatrician and didn't want to switch to the local office that permits delayed vax. // Read: We vaxed for my personal convenience instead of because it seemed like the best medical decision for E. // Read: I was subsequently plagued by mom guilt.
And then I accidentally gave him Ibuprofen instead of Acetominophen. It said INFANT FEVER REDUCER.... but come to find out you're not even supposed to give Ibuprofen to a child under 6 months AT ALL. And I gave the wrong dosage because I thought it was Acetominophen. The dosage for a 2 year old. When I realized what I'd done I was horrified. More mom guilt. My mom "teased" me saying, "So you vaxed him and then poisoned him.... If he never walks again we'll know who to blame." I threw up.
A week later he is still frantically fussy in a terrifying way. Not sleeping more than an hour at a time, day or night. Not smiling. Head listing on his shoulders. In the midst of one frenetic scream session of a diaper change... my blood pressure shoots somewhere (up? down? out?) and I faint to the floor.
Immediately after recovering from my fainting spell, I am feeding the baby and we receive notice.... My husband's application to enter the Interim Management Program at Chick-fil-A is rejected. Again.
I could write books about how capable, passionate, dedicated, excellent, skillful, equipped, and all-around-perfect David is for/with/about Chick-fil-A. He "gets" their mission... he embodies and embraces their model... he OWNS his role at the store. He is identified by everyone he knows as "The Chick-fil-A Guy." Regular customers at his store think he owns the place! CFA literally could not find a better candidate... everyone in our community feels this way... How could they not understand this?
We struggle with the disappointment... and the ensuing why? what now? when? where?
The tears are barely dried when we get a phone call. David's dear Granny has gone to be with the Lord.
My incredibly strong husband is again crushed into a crumbled heap in my arms.
I am feeling incredibly stretched thin.