(I do NOT know where that phrase came from. My mom used to say it. We're gonna go with it.)
Let's address...
"You are confined only by walls you build yourself."
Bull Honkey.
You're also confined by your health and physical limitations, your relationships with others, your financial security or (let's be real) lack thereof. And the list could go on.
"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll succeed."
Bull Honkey!
I have longed for success more than my own health before... you know where that put me?
In the hospital.
The mind is far stronger than the body. Only a mind that is respectful of the body will lead you to success in the long run.
"She believed she could, so she did!"
Bull Honkey!
She believed she could, so she gave 110% and life still knocked her on her ass. She got back up. It knocked her down again. She got back up... she still hasn't done it yet, but she's still getting up and THAT is beautiful.
Don't get me wrong. There's some great "get 'er done" words of encouragement out there too.... but let's quit pretending we don't have limits! Let's quit pretending we can just make up our minds to get what we want and then run rough shod over everything that stands in our way: our bodies, our minds, our health, our people, our peace.
If you get what you dream, but you trample everything else in the process... you have not succeeded.
So I'm editing those Bull Honkey phrases:
"You are confined by many walls... grow beautifully in them, or climb carefully over them. Either is good. I salute you."
"When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe... breathe deeper. Look harder. Success may be different than you originally thought."
"She believed she could... so every damn time she fell flat on her face trying, she tried again. And her journey created a story more beautiful and compelling than her destination."
Sisters, can I get real for a minute?
The men in our lives tend to have more linear stories than we do. Babies have a lot to do with that. Men will never at any point in history have to make the babies, birth the babies, nurse the babies. Unfortunately, one version of feminism has pushed women to deny their biology, pass the labor of child birth and rearing off on others, and take hold of the same kind of successes as men at the same pace. (Emphasis on "at the same pace.")
I think we need to just press pause for a sec... realize that we actually live in a world full of natural limits... and that's ok!!! Most women have a biological engineering to bear the brunt of the baby burden. Sucks? Yeah. Kinda does sometimes. Would be nice if we could have divvied that up a little better, God. But there is this amazing strength that can come out of that story... not if we over come it, treat it like it doesn't have a hold on us, but if we accept it, lean into it... and still rise strong.
What if we could be ok with a journey that isn't straight/direct/simple/clean/un-messy?
How many women have staggered and stopped when their journey went wonky (by the typical male standard/timeline), because they felt like, "Well, kids came and that plan went woefully off the rails. Guess I'm just a mommy now."
I want women to lean fully into their roles as mothers... and then keep dreaming. Maybe a different dream than they dreamed before... but keep dreaming and doing!
It's hard. But it's harder because of Bull Honkey messages like "The only limitations we have are the ones we create." Stupid. Embracing our limitations helps us to pause, sit on a rock, catch our breath, and then keep climbing that dang mountain.
Women of the World, you can be richly, completely, fully female in this world and write your own success story. You can wow the universe without feeling like your body and womanhood have betrayed you. Let's set a new standard. "Made it by 35" might not work for us, but that doesn't make us less. That's just Bull Honkey.
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