Monday, June 1, 2015

We're Wild Inside

There are no killers here.
Advanced and advancing, the global climate 
has cooled to your merits and your claws
are no longer an asset, dear. 
You have domesticated the wild animal of my body.
Urban serenity asks nicely: Beautiful Beast, leave
your teeth at home and stoop your head
and lap milk. 
And we will all survive.

We live in a world where almost everyone is medicated.
Isn't that a weird thought. 
Almost everyone we meet and interact with on a daily basis presents a chemically altered version of themselves. (This is documented by social science data, if you're curious.)

I was watching a documentary about lions... the papa lion was coming home... the mama lions thought he was a bad guy... they got all buzzed and hopped up on aggression to defend the cubs... then they realized their mistake; this was no rouge! this was their guy... but the raw adrenaline was still pumping! They had to let the rippling energy out. They screamed and boxed and wrestled each other until the wild emotions passed out of their bodies. Only then they could lay calm again in the sun. 

Our world makes no room for that wildness. It gives no outlet. So we drug ourselves to deal with the animal anxiety and aggression. 

Ugh! It just doesn't sit right with me... but I guess it's better than a world at war.

I have had medicated seasons in the past few years. It's been a god-send, but I've always been restless and unsettled with it. It curbs the restless, roaring, pacing animal of my inner life. It takes me off the knife's edge. My natural state is one of constant yearning and leaning into life. I am addicted to "Possibility" because I find it exhilarating! It's like leaning into the sea wind and imagining you can fly.

Medication softens me. At some points I have said, "It makes me more myself" but perhaps the truth is, it makes me an easier version of myself.

I don't know if I want to be the wild lioness.
She's exhausting to live with... she's soft, but she has claws and if you're not constantly paying attention to her, she will slash you.
But I don't know if I'm comfortable being the domesticated lioness. She seems to be untruthful in a way... a shadow of herself.

I know which version of me works better in the world I live in.
But I wonder if the world might gain more from the unsoftened life?

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